“Everyone is with you in times of happiness. You have to see who sticks with you in times of darkness.”
That’s a rough translation of something my mom said to me in Urdu once.
I was talking to a friend about this topic. I have mentioned it several times on here, but never devoted a whole post to it, I don’t think.
My friend was telling me how when she was going through a testing period, she lost contact with some of her old friends.
I mentioned how the same thing happened to me. People who I thought I would always be friends with stopped keeping in touch me and supporting me. Other people came out of nowhere and showed incredibly touching, spirit-lifting, and helpful gestures.
Everyone is with you when things are all good and all fun & games. When things get tough, a lot of people can’t deal with things.
Some people are willing to be there with you and share your pain. They are willing to suppress their own desires for a little while so they may take away your pain.
These are the people you should surround yourself with—not the people who are just “super fun” and know a lot of people or something.
Sometime early in high school, I developed a mental screening test for my closest friends. It’s quite ironic now, considering what happened to me. The test is this: I think about if I was in a car accident (or another situation of equal weight) and my mind was distraught and not able to gather my thoughts clearly, would I call this person?
This question I use tests if I really and truly trust this person and if my heart is truly invested in them and they make me feel safe/comfortable, whether I was consciously aware of it or not.
A few people I have thought I was close to failed this mental test for some reason. I guess my mind/heart just said, “No.” There are some friends who I don’t talk to as much anymore because we are just busy with things, but who I know would be there for me if I needed absolutely anything. And when I think I have found “the one”, I’m of course going to use this again.
It is only in times of darkness and when things are falling apart that we see the true character of people.